Yes, I’d Like to Exchange These Please

Hallelujah, the day has finally come. My last fills were just about four weeks ago and tomorrow afternoon I get these truly awful turtle shells removed and replaced with my real implants! And, yes, that still sounds weird to say. REAL implants. Ha ha!

And now that the expanders are finally settling in and not causing  so many muscle spasms and pain, it’s, of course, time to get them out.  (In case you missed it, I previously talked about what the expanders are and why they cause pain and discomfort.)

Truly though, I cannot freakin’ wait. I’m never one for surgery – is anyone?!? – but this is one I’m actually looking forward to. I look forward to getting the expanders out and my brand spankin’ new boobs in, but primarily I just want to start on the path to feeling normal again. It’s been a long, long road – I can’t believe my surgery was in early Feb and it’s now early July – and I’m very ready for the next chapter to begin.

Friends who have had the “expanders to implants” surgery have said even with the pain, I’ll feel immediately better afterwards. The expanders are just so, so uncomfortable. I wouldn’t wish these things on anyone.

Another thing I can’t wait for – to be able to sleep on my side again! That, my friends, will be a joyous evening indeed, as sleeping on my back continues to be difficult, even with my “pillow fort” surrounding me, including, but limited to, my my custom mastectomy pillow from the wonderful ladies at Sew In The Faith and my faithful travel neck pillow, from the fine folks at yes…Target.

For those curious, I’ll be getting silicone, rather than saline, as they have a more natural look/feel and are less likely to show rippling (a concern since I had so much breast tissue removed and because of my thin skin). They’ll also be the round, smooth ones, as the teardrop shape textured ones have recently been shown to cause a rare certain type of breast cancer called Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma. That even just sounds scary enough to me to forgo getting textured ones. (Advantage to texture is that they generally stay in place better,  especially in young, active people, (that’s right I said young – humor the poor BRCA2 girl, please ;-D), but while it’s a risk that they may shift and possibly become lopsided, that’s a small risk I’m willing to take and it can likely be fixed with another surgery.)

I’ll also continue to have bi-annual mammograms and MRI’s to make sure they haven’t ruptured since they’ll be silicone. (If saline ones rupture, they deflate, so you’re be able to tell immediately.) They recommend getting implants replaced every 10 years, but my doctor says most people don’t. It is highly likely given my age, however, that I will have to have them replaced at least once or twice in my lifetime. It’ll be good to upgrade to the latest models anyway!

The surgery should take about 2-2 1/2 hours, but will be outpatient so I’ll (hopefully barring any issues) get to be in my own bed tomorrow night! I shouldn’t have to be on the heavy meds for as long as before and can expect to back to feeling much better in about two weeks or so. Lifting restrictions will still apply though for four weeks post-op  (so I promise to take it easy, honey :-*), as well still not sleeping on my side – no pressure on the reconstructed breasts until 5 out of 5 doctors approve.

I know “full recovery” will still take some time. Not only will the new “girls” be swollen and bruised for quite a while, it will then likely take some getting used to them and my new look (i.e., the physical), and processing the entire journey, including the grief (i.e., the emotional), some more time. How long? I do not know. I refuse to put a timeline on it and will take the feelings as they come, as I know I need to experience them in order to move on.

I was telling a close friend a few weeks ago that I was having quite a bit of difficulty accepting all of the amazing love and support that has come my way during this process. I wasn’t expecting it, because I didn’t have breast cancer. I did this to myself! But, in trying to help other friends and neighbors who are going through some much worse, very difficult times, I’ve come to understand that people give and help because they truly want to.  We all know that helping others in need makes us feel good, but being on the receiving end during difficult times is just as important in helping them (me) feel better during a difficult time. Knowing people care and just want the very best for you is , well, it’s difficult to put into words, but for me it’s been extremely heart warming. It has already played a large part in my recovery and will continue to.

Bill will post an update or two after my exchange surgery, but I can’t thank you all enough for joining me on this journey and to so many of you for quite literally, having my back. Thank you for your many cards, calls, meals, advice, flowers, texts, Facetimes, treats and emails. Your love, support and compassion will continue to carry me and lift me up through the coming days, weeks and months ahead. I love you all and couldn’t not have does this without each and everyone of you.

Now, Netflix, here I come!