Truth be told, I did not want to write this post. Nor post these photos. They’re just too…too…I don’t know honestly…raw, I guess. For many reasons.
But, I made a commitment to myself to share as much as I possibly can publicly in the hopes that sharing my experiences (good and bad), may help someone know what to expect (even though we all have different experiences), as well as not feel so alone. It’s usually not comfortable, but I remind myself that a little uncomfortableness is good. It’s how we can push past irrational fears and grow.
But I really didn’t want to.
Seeing them brings back the tears I cried when I wasn’t sleeping, especially those first several hours after surgery into the night. I even asked Bill to stay overnight with me in the fold down murphy bed because I was feeling so bad. As you’ll recall, I didn’t need him to stay during my Stage One surgery. Not that he could do anything about the pain obviously, but it was very comforting to have him there. Thank you, my love.
Thinking back as I look at these photos now, I think the difficult and painful recovery from this surgery, was due to a combination of reasons. One, and probably most important being, that my surgeon said they don’t give patients as much pain medicine during and immediately post surgery, as the surgery is shorter and generally requires only a one night hospital stay. No morphine drip this time. No nerve block this time. More surgical sites this time and way more pain this time.
I believe, too that part of the issue was, I was feeling so confident after my not painless, but certainly relatively smooth recovery from Stage 1, that I didn’t prioritize listening to my Successful Surgery CD, nor my audio recording from my RTT session prior to stage 2. I’m really curious if doing so would have made a difference this time around in leading to a easier recovery, but I’m willing to bet it would have at least helped.
If you’d like a refresher on what Stage 2 mostly involved for me, I discussed it in my Progress Photos and Surgery: Stage 2 post.
Don’t ask me why they didn’t clean the PERMANENT blue marker off my face after surgery – there was none of that damn marker left anywhere else on my body – but honestly, that’s the least of the reasons I didn’t really want to share these photos.
If I had to do that part again, though, I’m not sure I would. Having that monkey face (which is super cute on little monkeys, not super cute on little Annies) didn’t help when I already felt like my entire body was rebelling against me. Multiple bruises, gory slices sewn shut without surgical glue, sharp muscle spasms, and horrid headaches with a side of nausea. I wasn’t even able to get out of bed by myself those first couple of days.
Am I vain enough that I hate sharing these photos because of how I look in them? Hell, yes. But, I’ve shared LOTS of embarrassing photos and I’m not likely to stop now. I’m mostly not a fan of these because of how they bring it ALL back. How I felt, not only on this past surgery, but allll the previous surgeries (four and counting), as well. It’s been quite the journey, to say the least.
And to think, it could be over? Almost? That this part of my life, could maybe be finally done? It does make me want to cry.
But finally, they’re mostly happy tears.
Stay tuned for Rewind: First Days Following Stage Two