Thought that one might get your attention. Ok, so apparently I do have more to write/talk about here than I thought I would. Bill be slackin’ is what I’m saying. 😀
I was in the hospital for 3 nights, instead of the anticipated 1-2, so you can pretty much imagine how I felt. Pretty damn awful. If you haven’t had the “luxury” of spending a night or more at a hospital, you may not know that when you’re there you don’t give a shit about anything. All you’re concerned with, at least with me, was sleeping, eating what I could and keeping it down, constantly managing the various pain levels and, of course, when nature called, using the bathroom. (No catheter because they want you to get up and get moving.)
Now about that bathroom, as Bill mentioned I had a bed alarm and was NOT allowed to get out of bed by myself and use the restroom, so I had to have accompaniment at all times of the day or night, especially when you’re hooked up to IV’s, leg pumps, oxygen, etc.. At first it was the nurses and then thankfully, they started to let Bill take me, because several times I thought the wait for the nurse was going to make me wet the bed. But even when he couldn’t and I had a different nurse almost every day and night, I couldn’t have cared less that my bare ass was hanging out of my lovely hospital gown on my short walk to the bathroom and could also not care less if someone, husband included, was watching me pee. (I’ll save you the details, but thanks to the opioids, I only peed while in the hospital). For some reason, I didn’t bother tying the back of my gown at the bottom. Why, ’cause like I said, I didn’t care and certainly wasn’t able to do it myself at that point.
One day, one of my nurses (only one?), a very, very kind one, took my open gown back in her right hand (her left hand was holding onto my left for stability) and held it shut while I walked, with IV and stand in my right hand. I really liked her. It was a little thing and I barely noticed it at the time, but I really appreciated that she treated me with such dignity. I hope I said thank you. (Side note: shout out to the doctors, but especially all my nurses who quite literally had my back. We’re pretty sure one in particular was the main reason I was able to stay that third night when one of the attending physicians wanted my butt outta there, even though I clearly wasn’t ready yet to go home.)
Ah, those were the good old days. NOT! Honestly, I barely remember the first week after the surgery and the second and third weeks are a pretty big blur, too. So I thought, today since I’m exactly five weeks out (yea!), you might like an update on how I am doing physically now. (You know, when I’m not watching Nashville and crying in the corner. Yeah, still giving it a shot. Sad that Rayna had to die so other characters could become “more likable”) The five weeks have simultaneously flown by and not. Obviously some of the things I can now do occurred at various points over the past several weeks and are changing everyday. They’re not in any sort of order.
Things I Still Can’t Do
Drive (ugh!)
Drink (double ugh!)
Hike, Bike, Run or Yoga (basically any exercise other than walking and my P/T exercises)
Get off prescribed pain meds (thanks, expanders)
Reach “high” shelves depending on their height
Reach much past arm’s length
Lift more than 10lbs
Model lingerie (just seeing if you’re paying attention, clearly, I’ve never been able to do that!)
Heavy housework like vacuuming, mopping, pretty much anything that takes too much upper body strength (um, darn?)
Most home improvement tasks on my ever growing list
Fill the humidifier
Enjoy a morning wake up stretch (never been more envious of Callie girl)
Get a massage (damn)
Hide my drug induced dopey eyes (wish I could wear sunglasses inside, but let’s face it, I have not yet achieved that A level of celebrity)
Enjoy a warm bath, steam shower or hot tub (although I can enjoy Hot Tub Time Machine on Netflix 😉 )
Things I Can Do, but With Some Difficulty
Sleep, still mostly on my back because even though I’ve been cleared for side sleeping, it’s usually too uncomfortable to do so thanks to the rocks on my chest
Get out of bed and up from the couch without assistance
Balance
Typing & Writing (so sorry for the lateness of getting well deserved thank you notes out)
Find my words (thanks, meds)
Read much other than the occasional magazine and one or two newspaper articles before I get to the point where I find, I’m not really comprehending them (again, thanks meds)
Pull shirts over (and off) my head
Shave my underarms
Help cook dinner and cleanup, depending on the day (fill day and after, not so much)
Look at my naked chest in the mirror
Open child proof caps
Ride in a car, but still have to use a pillow and still feel every bump
Managing my pain with any consistently
Color and stay w/in the lines (I know, I know, but it’s the perfectionist in me)
Managing my pain pill schedule accurately by myself
Concentrate and not zone out several times a day
My P/T exercises
Shave my legs (can shave my face, no problem ;-P)
Light housework (wait, Bill, if you’re reading this, that should be under Things I Can’t Do)
Things I Can Now Do
Shower by myself, even though still need to use a stool at times (see Balance issue above)
Use the bathroom by myself (thankfully, this was a skill that came back very quickly)
Wash and blow dry my hair
Dress myself
Walk by myself
Make the bed (on good days)
Wear shirts that don’t exclusively have buttons or zippers on the fronts
Make my own breakfast, lunch & snacks
Water plants
Laugh out loud more often
Enjoy our swinging pod chair
Get and carry in the mail (and some boxes)
Lift the laptop
Make popcorn
Open the fridge door
Raise and lower window blinds
Carry Callie upstairs (although I wish she weren’t, she’s still under 10 lbs.)
Not have to hold the railing when going up and down the stairs, even though I still usually do (that whole rule follower thing)
Enjoy a meal out with my husband
Let Callie sit on my lap
Go out and see a movie
Watch said movie w/out having to close my eyes and wanting to just sleep
Eat, read a little, watch tv, talk and kiss my hubby, WITHOUT nodding off (ok, don’t think I was ever that bad that I feel asleep kissing Bill!)
Give (& get) gentle hugs
FaceTime with family and friends (usually)
Lift more than 5lbs
Get a manicure and a facial (haven’t, but I’m pretty sure I could. Bill, are you reading this?) 😉
Select paint swatches
Get a haircut and I could use one
Enjoy a lake view several blocks from my house from a bench enjoying the sun on my face
Walk to our nearest Starbucks by myself, about 2 miles round trip, furthest I’ve walked so far
Eat ALL the ice cream I want (I’ve given myself the permission to not deprive myself of anything until I’m off the pain meds, but with the exception of desserts, am eating relatively healthily, even though I see another Whole30 in my future!)
As you can see, the list that really matters is the longest one and it gets longer almost every day. Some of it is simple, silly stuff, but a lot of it are super awesome milestones. While recovery is most definitely not fast enough for me and I experience so much unexpected pain with the tissue expanders and fills (generally for most people it’s simply uncomfortable or a little sore for a day or two), I’m trying very hard to focus on the list that keeps getting longer.
Five weeks out, I still have too many off and painful days. I’m impatient in case anyone didn’t already know that. Yea, I didn’t think so. For whatever reason, other than poor luck perhaps and my super sensitivity to many things (strong pain meds, spice, loud noises, the sun; list goes on), my pain is hanging in there longer than others who have had the surgeries and not only does that suck, it just about makes me crazy sometimes with the Why Me questions to which there are no answers. I’ve been blessed to be spared any infections, no complications during or after surgery, generally haven’t had aversions to any types of foods, other illnesses like colds and the flu since I’m going into a hospital so much and well, have many, many other reasons to be thankful for where I am in this process.
I know a big reason for the mood swings, concentration and dexterity issues, etc., is because of the medications, but I can’t yet get off said medications, because I’m having so much difficulty and pain mostly with the expander fills. I cannot tell you how much I want to get off these things. For so, so many reasons.
It’s been difficult having to be so un-self sufficient for so long. Not being able to drive and just go out when I feel like it to Target, the grocery, whatever. I want to drink and I want to drive. Wait, that didn’t come out quite right. Most definitely not in that order! But, I would really love that glass of wine w/ Scandal or a cocktail with Bill when he gets home after a long day.
Anyway, this post is all about focusing on the positive and the highlights (like my first fantastic solo walk to Starbucks!!) so I’ll go into more detail about the tissue expanders and how/why they can cause so pain in another post. Today, I’m thankful to be five weeks out from surgery and for being able to do more and more each and every day. That’s what is most important and what I do care about now.
Cheers to that!
