…except me?
Wait, did I just go there? I guess I did. If you’re reading this over your morning coffee and eggs, you may want to click on over to People magazine and find out how the stars are dealing with being quarantined. Spoiler alert: they’re just like us. Only they’re chilling in their mansions and apparently have their assistants doing the essential grocery runs?! Hmmm…yea, just like us.
Remember how I said in my last post that things after surgery were quite a blur? Well, once I returned “home” after the hospital, one thing that did not remain a blur, unfortunately, was suffering from a quite common complication that, while I hadn’t managed to completely avoid the previous surgeries, was definitely worse this time.
What was the complication you ask? Let’s just say what was going through my head at the time, was the title of a popular children’s book by Taro Gomi that, yes I stole to use for this post’s title. You know the one I’m talking about, right? I don’t really have to spell it out for you since it’s kinda spelled out in the title above? Okay, okay, I’m stalling…I’ll get to it explaining that salacious, and slightly disturbing headline.
So, boys and girls, in case you didn’t know, anesthesia not only puts you to sleep, but it also paralyzes your muscles. Obviously a good thing when the surgeons are working their magic in your body, but not a good thing in that also means your intestines are out for the count during your surgery so until they wake up afterwards, which can take longer than it takes you to wake up, they’re not moving anything. The longer the surgery, the worse it can be.
And, if you’re having abdominal or hip surgery, this complication is even more likely to be in your future, because they’ll be working around your bowel. Already bloated from the pelvic surgery coupled with stool bloat, well, I can assure you, is not a pleasant experience, especially when you’re already dealing with so much other sh!t after surgery. Bad pun most definitely intended.
Also, one of opioids dirty little “secrets” is that one of the most common side effects is constipation, for several “fun” reasons I won’t belabor here and this short article has a ton of great information about how you can prepare your gut both before and after surgery. For example, some studies show that caffeine, while too much can be dehydrating, can actually stimulate your gut, so definitely indulge in your post surgery latte! Just don’t make it five.
All this to say…eat your fruits and veggies, ladies as we’re the ones even more likely to experience severe constipation after surgery. (Up to 30% of women suffer from it!) Drink lots and lots of water and get up and walking as soon and as often as you can after your procedure, because lack of physical movement can slow your digestion down even more. And lastly, choose that seven-grain wheat bread for your sandwiches!
Did I come down to NOLA and get B to pick up my favorite sourdough from Fresh Market for our sandwiches? Yes. Yes, I did. Bad me. Don’t be like me.
I’ll save you further poopticulars, but as complications go, constipation is very likely better than getting an infection, but not as good as “just” having nausea and headaches, in my case anyway. But, not addressing it, can leave you susceptible to it turning into a much more serious condition which have super fun sounding names like “rectal prolapse”, “anal fissue” and “fecal impaction”. Not! All jokey-ness aside, see the excellent documentary “Gleason” on Steve Gleason, the former Saints NFL player who has ALS, suffering from his bowels no longer working, for a serious wake up call to take your ability, or inability, to poop seriously.
(See “Gleason” even if you don’t; it’s an honest, but uplifting, journey documenting Steve and his incredible wife, navigating their way from his initial diagnosis through eventually him losing the ability to pick up his infant son to finally and tragically losing the ability to speak. It’s an excellent reminder, too right now that being stuck safe at home is certainly not the worst thing we could be dealing with in our lives.)
(Side note from B: “It is insanely difficult to make pictures of your wife when she’s crying and in serious pain. Only spouses of die-hard photojournalists should attempt this difficult and fraught maneuver.” Yes, I begged him do it. I want there to be no doubt this whole experience has been insanely difficult and if you’re going through it, have been through it, or getting ready to go through it, know you’re not alone and it will make you stronger. Strong enough to twist your husbands arm when needed even.) **
Don’t be afraid to talk with your doctor when you’re scheduling your surgery and ask what specific things you can do to prepare your gut for the not insignificant trauma it will experience because waiting until after surgery may be too late. Yes, this is a topic that’s not often talked about in polite company, but it really is a serious issue if you have a surgery date in your future. And honestly, of all the “gross” things I’ve gotten to share with you here, this is definitely one not to be squeamish about.
Feeling so bad after surgery though probably ended up being a good thing, because I had zero desire to go out anywhere. We were hoping I’d feel up to having dinner at our favorite restaurant in town the night before we left, but not going out, especially with a slightly compromised immune system at the time, meant that we weren’t out and about as much in NOLA getting exposed to lots of people. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say, this complication was a blessing, but maybe it was. Especially if my dreadful experience can save someone else from having to go through it.
The past couple of weeks have obviously found me in recovery mode and just trying to stay awake during webinars I already had scheduled, but I have a couple of almost finished posts almost in the can which I’ll post when it feels “right” to do so, but now more than ever, I don’t take for granted, the time, support and love you graciously send our way.
Even when I talk sh!t.
Ok, time to end this because well, not gonna lie, this has been slightly embarrassing. But you know what? Everybody poops…even me.
**Disclaimer: Since I’m not a licensed medical professional, please, please talk to your doctor about your individual situation. You know your body best and this account is simply my experience.