What did the black squares of two weeks ago really do?
Well, today, my feed is mostly back to being filled with beautiful interiors, gorgeous cookies, delicious summer meals & drinks, families celebrating their kids’ last day of “school” and of course, ads.
BUT some of those beautiful interiors for example, are now being posted by designers of color whom I just learned about and are now showing up in my feed simply because I followed them. It was simple. Too simple? Maybe. But it’s a start. And it’s a start filled with love, awe and admiration, instead of a start filled with hate, angry words, or shaming.
If we all just led with our hearts, with ourselves and others, imagine the good we could do.
This year, the first in another decade, has had its way with us. With all of us. For sure. I’m certain I speak for many when I say I’m exhausted, scared, uncertain, worried, etc., etc.,…all the emotions I don’t want to feel and used to be pretty good at keeping below the surface, where I’ve felt they needed to stay so I could just be happy.
But 2020 has forced me to finally look at, to feel, to understand these difficult emotions.
I can no longer hide from them.
I must lean into them. Feel them for what they are. See that they’re simply feelings and emotions and beliefs and thoughts and they are never permanent.
I don’t have to feel them forever.
But I do have to feel them when they arise.
And when I do, I often can move onto another feeling, emotion, belief, or thought that feels better.
And when I feel better, I can do better.
By the way, I say “I”, but I also mean, “we” here.
Because, let’s be clear, it is going to take ALL of us, especially White America, to stop enabling the systematic persecution and killing of black Americans—our fellow human beings. Swearing solidarity and then just posting a black square will obviously not be enough. Black squares don’t end racism. Empathetic, loving people acting compassionately end racism. I am committed to being part of the change, not of the problem. Not anymore.
Since I wrote in 2017 about how the deadly Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville was so heartbreaking and so wrong…what have I personally done to make it help make things better? Well, maybe unsurprisingly, not a damn thing. Not really.
Instead of making it all about me though, and allowing the shame from that inaction consume me, I’ve taken the past few weeks to learn about things big and small that I can do. It is high time. To look at, address and try to understand my known and unknown biases around race and those who look different from me. I recognize that in America I—we all—have in many ways been conditioned since birth to see whites as the “preferred race”, consciously or unconsciously, purposefully or inadvertently. Sadly, it’s been this way since our country’s founding.
We have a lot, A LOT, to unpack. But, white = devoid of color. What would life look like without color? Tell me, who wants to live in a world with no colors?
It’s appalling racism still exists. I want to live in a world where shop owners don’t think of suspiciously following someone around simply because of their skin color; where people are free to love and marry whoever they want; where men and women are truly equal, in all aspects; where kids aren’t afraid to go to school because they or their friends may get shot; where people die of old age, not for their skin color, religious beliefs or gender.
But, I’m tired of just wishing that world existed and am finally ready to make that change happen. The time is NOW.
In that vein, I’m finding it imperative to tune out the “noise” and focus on my mindfulness. To respond, rather than react. How I can show up for myself, so I can show up for others?
I don’t want to put the burden of educating me on black people, though. This is my responsibility. To read the books they’ve already written, to listen to interviews already recorded; to try and understand their experiences and contribute to the causes I see making real, serious change in the world, as well.
I also feel it’s important that I put in writing a few things I’m doing so I can be held accountable. I recognize that I have to consciously unlearn my inherited unconscious biases. In that vein, some inspired action I’m taking:
- I will continue to seek out and support black-owned businesses and restaurants whenever possible, especially within my own community.
- Finding on my own, and through others on social media, people of color to follow and support (especially important so that the algorithms start showing you more accounts of that nature) like designers and artists, and will share with others on my platforms those I find inspiring and why. (See below some meditation teachers I’ve found excellent.)
- Reading books, specifically those written by black female authors. First up on the reading list, “So You Want to Talk About Race” by Ijeoma Oluo, which is currently the Amazon’s #1 book for the week and #2 on the NY Times Best Seller list. Out of ALL the books. Incredible and so heartening to see. (Purchased from Mahogany Books, a black husband-and-wife owned bookstore in DC. You can also buy online if you’re not local to the shop. Please consider supporting small bookstores when you can.)
- Voting. I’ll admit I haven’t always taken the smaller, local elections as seriously as I should have, because they make a huge impact on the community I live in. And it’s in our communities where real change will start. We’re seeing it already.
- Not allowing fear of saying or doing the wrong thing stop me from learning. Understanding and accepting that I’m a beginner here.
- Will start having the tough conversations with my white friends and family about our whiteness and how we are using it for positive change.
- Volunteer with organizations where I encounter people from different walks of life and learn about their experiences. And, look at them as the incredible human beings they are, not as though they’re less than, for any reason.
- Bookmark this Medium list of what white people can do for racial equality and come back to it often.
- Provide graceful, constructive feedback for businesses, public figures and leaders—especially those I admire and respect, how I feel we may do better together.
- Ask those in the black community, “how can I do better” and actually listen to the answers.
- Giving myself the grace and compassion to navigate, that I learn from all these voices and continue moving forward.
This list is by no means exhaustive and I know that like in everything, I’ll continue to learn the rest of my life. I pledge, though to feel the discomfort of change and actively lean into it. Not just during the current news cycle. It won’t be easy, and that’s perhaps why it needs to be done. But, I also won’t be sharing every single thing in a, “Hey, look what a great (white) person I am because…”
If you only do one thing in response to the unrest in our country: VOTE. Please. Absolutely in November, but in all elections—especially the smaller ones in your county, district, state—for sheriff, governor, attorney general, senator, congressman, mayor. Literally the very least we can do is educate ourselves on the issues and then exercise our civic right and responsibility and friggin’ vote.
It isn’t only about replacing an unapologetically racist currently squatting in the White House (though I absolutely hope we do that in 2020). We need all our politicians, law enforcement, judges—everyone, especially those serving in public office and therefore working for us, ALL of us—to be better educated about racial, gender and homophobic biases. It will take all of us, working together, to help ensure equal rights for all humans and the time is NOW.
We who are white, can no longer just empathize with the oppressed, stay silent and allow the status quo to continue, that let’s face it, is quite comfortable for us (whites) to not change.
“It’s a privilege to learn about racism instead of experiencing it your whole life.” – Ahmed Ali
Things will only get better when we get better.
I’m getting better. A little each day, so I thought I’d share some of the things I’ve found helpful recently when it all gets a little too heavy and that support my goal of focusing on solutions, in hopes that they may help you, as well, if you’re looking.
For centering, I’ve been turning to my favorite free meditation app, Insight Timer and seeking out guided meditations led by black people. They’ve made it super easy for us to do so, too, by highlighting Teachers of Color (which I hope they’ll continue to promote as the months go on). I’ve found several new ones that I’ve been enjoying.
Brandon J. McGill – Set Your Life Itinerary (17min)
Alexandra Elle – Re-centering in Times of Uncertainty (9min)
Lalah Delia – A Journey Home (20min)
And, if you’re not into meditation (no judgement), I’ve enjoyed these talks, also free on the app:
Justin Michael Williams – The Revolution Starts Inside (3min)
(Justin also has a 10 day course you can purchase – 10 Steps to Radical Change, which is on my short list)
Rhonda Magee – Learning to See Our Racial Biases (50min)
(This is by far my favorite meditation app because none of the 45,000+ meditations, talks, and music are behind a paywall. You can also give a donation directly to the instructor and some of them have short, courses you can invest your dollars in, as well.)
The 10% Happier Podcast with Dan Harris is one both B and I listen to consistently and have since it’s inception. (His book by the same name is also excellent). Since the protests, Dan has been focusing more fully on the topic of racism and there’s one in particular so far that I’ve already listened to twice and likely will again. It’s that good. SO many takeaways…
Episode 252 – You Can’t Meditate This Away (Race, Rage, and the Responsibilities of Meditators) – June 1, 2020
It’s an honest, frank and very enlightening discussion he had recently with Sebene Salassie, a black meditation teacher on how we can recognize and compassionately deal with “the ugliness in our own minds.”
They also released a free 20 min bonus meditation on their app, led by Sebene about how to “See Through Unconscious Bias,” which I’ve done a couple of times now and have found incredibly useful in how to uncover the biases we have; whether against people of a different race, people who are homeless, people who are heavy, people who are rich, etc. and do so in a non-judgemental way. (She has the most beautiful voice too….guaranteed to soothe. 😉 ) Also, if you’re a health care worker, grocery employee, food delivery person, etc., I believe you can get access to the entire library on their app for free right now.
In the time since my last post, I’ve been having a tough time with the Law of Attraction, that like attracts like. I don’t want to “fight” against something, because it just brings more “fight.” Right? I want to focus instead on the solutions and how we all have the capacity, power and love to make things better.
But, by just believing they will be?
How does that sound to oppressed people who are clearly dying because of their skin color? How to reconcile that with how people (minorities) are treated, like they’re asking for it or they expect to be persecuted because for centuries and centuries, their ancestors were persecuted, so they are/will continue to be persecuted?
I want to be introspective on what and how I can do better, but how much introspection is too much, too self-centered and causes in-action? And is that just “privilege” talking?
Is gun control the answer where/when it’s the police who have guns are doing the killing? Is the radical sounding Defunding of the Police the answer? I don’t know. I think there are some answers. But, there are a lot of questions. And, a lot of work to be done. Continued, sustained vigilism that this is the time, NOW, where systematic racism begins to be (finally) dismantled.
Do you grapple with questions like these, as well? I’d love to hear what you’re doing to ensure that justice and equality aren’t just buzz words.
For me, I’m going to try and keep my vigil by focusing more on what I feel are positive actions. To look at this as a long awaited opportunity to know myself and my mind better so I can make sure my actions and reactions aren’t simply because of my conditioning, our culture and societal pressure.
If we lead with love, love can’t help but follow.
Seen on one of our recent neighborhood walks. I agree.