Good question! Can you tell me? No, really. Can you?
What do you think? Should I go to clown school, be a hand model, or maybe drive the big rigs? Speak right up and don’t be shy. Any and all suggestions/advice will be reviewed and researched in thorough detail by myself and maybe, Callie. As a cat she’s smart and often has an opinion on things.
As some of you may know, I’ve been struggling with what’s next now that I’m done with surgeries for a while. (Yea!) It’s not that I don’t have any idea of what I might want to do, though. On the contrary, I have too much I want to do, causing a serious case of analysis paralysis. Does anyone know the cure for that? If only it were as simple as deciding whether to take the blue or the red pill.
“You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” – Morpheus to Neo in The Matix
See? Easy decision. (Just in case you need clarification though, I’d take the red pill, thankyouverymuch ’cause yea, I’m feeling pretty damn deep in that rabbit hole right about now.)
So, I’m listening to friends and loved ones who have had great career path suggestions. I know if they’re mentioning something, it’s for a reason. I’ve given each a lot of thought and will continue to do so. While I may ultimately not decide to follow a particular path, each tidbit of advice is incredibly helpful in narrowing down just what it is that I do want to do.
When I was complaining way back in April that recovery was taking too long (ha!) and wanted to be able to figure out what to do for the rest of my life (a very easy question to answer when you have 100% health, no?), a dear friend said that maybe I should look at 2017 as my “year of healing”. A half heartbeat after she said it, I immediately lost the earrings that were my shoulders. My heavy, still medicated head suddenly felt 8 lbs lighter.
I’ve tried to relax into that belief throughout the past year. Constantly getting frustrated with things that were out of my control certainly haven’t helped me get any closer to the things that were. That are.
But, I’m definitely ready for the next chapter.
Huh. I never thought of myself as a “read the last page of the book first” person, so I’m not sure why now I apparently cannot wait to be on the last page of my memoir that is still currently (and thankfully as it means I’m still breathing) being written! It will be called “Anne with an E”, by the way, even though Netflix’s reboot of Anne of Green Gables, has recently appropriated my title.
Some of you know that I’ve been working on, very intermittently, a personal photo project (ie. personal=won’t bring in any income) that quite literally makes my heart sing. And not the blues! However, it’s been challenging how to define it and make it work with others availability and time, as well as financial and location constraints. It’s definitely not progressing as fast as I would like, but it’s absolutely a project I will continue to work on and make work. However, I’m also determined to allow it to take the time it needs to develop. Ha! A little photographer humor for you.
I had hoped 2017 would overall bring more answers than questions, but alas, real life has a funny way of “intruding” on the best laid plans.
But not for nothing, in 2017, wanting to be proactive in my health, I found myself making an incredibly hard decision. (I’d like to mention here, that recovery from major surgery in your 40s is definitely different than for someone in their 20s provided they’re presently healthy. If this type of difficult decision is on anyone’s plate, I highly recommend not putting it off like I did. The surgery to remove one’s ovaries (which I had done seven years ago is no where near as difficult. Physically anyway.)
I think many of us are feeling a bit bruised and beaten up after last year, too. And we thought 2016 was tough. Oye. Perhaps I shouldn’t be too surprised that 2017 was a difficult year in which to find healing of any sort.
Oh, if only I could go on a gameshow and have everything answered for me, along with some great cash prizes, of course. I can hear Richard Dawson (or for the millennials in the audience, Steve Harvey) now, “The top five careers for Annie are on the board. Survey says!”. Annie, because I think that’s how he’d pronounce Anne and then creepily cover my hands with his (Dawson, but maybe Harvey, too) on the “face-off podium” while I struggled for the answer even though I pressed the button.
Side note: is it bad that I know that’s what the podium is called?!? Yikes. I’d say I intend to watch less daytime tv in 2018, but save for DVR’ing the occasional Ellen show, because, duh, she’s Ellen and she’s freakin’ awesome, I DON’T watch daytime tv. Cannot stand all the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up because I’m so, so old and helpless” and “no, I haven’t actually been injured in a motor vehicle accident, but um, thank you for asking” commercials.
Oooo….or maybe Wheel of Fortune would be better where I could spin a “Wheel of Careers” and earn “big money, big money”! Sigh.
To the surprise of no one (probably), I’m not the most patient person around. Just ask my family. Actually, on second thought don’t since I’m trying to focus on the positive. It’s the Taurus in me so it’s unlikely to change anytime soon. BUT I absolutely can do better and beginning and sustaining a consistent meditation practice has definitely been helping with that.
In fact, one of my favorite things to do, too is go for a leisurely drive with no destination in mind, allowing for any serendipities to arise that we may wish to investigate further. To just be completely in the present moment. Usually I’m the passenger which means being able to get lost in all the beautiful scenery around me, not having to worry about keeping my eyes on the road to see what’s coming. And if we do come to a road that’s closed or a dead end, we detour. We don’t sit at the damn DETOUR sign for days on end and just wait for it to open up, do we?
So I’ve decided to look at this journey as a fun road trip, only in this case, I need to drive and while I may have a destination in mind, I’m open to taking ways less traveled. It may not be the fastest, most direct route, but I’ll get there eventually. Hopefully before I’m old and gray. (Okay, gray-er). But I’ll also allow myself to recognize and investigate any serendipities and unexpected detours that pop up along the way for who knows what delights or challenges they may bring.
The boring perfectionist in me would do well to remember too, one of my favorite quotes often attributed to Leonard Cohen, although I believe others have stated roughly the same thing in different ways: “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” Also, what the fantastic writer, Anne Lamott says and I’m paraphrasing here, but basically that perfectionism is “fatally uninteresting”. Don’t you just love that? So, so true.
So I can’t be the only one out there who has struggled with a “mid-life encore”, can I? If you have, what did you find especially helpful? AND if you have any suggestions for me about something I should try or be doing more of, you know how to find me. I would be ever so appreciative.
I’m trying to enjoy this journey. I know it will lead to something wonderful, but I’ll likely continue to struggle a bit with wanting “the answer” right now instead of letting it all flow to me and I’m really trying to look at having this time as the luxury it is. (Shout out to my amazing and generous husband who has graciously and happily allowed me this incredible luxury.) But I also need to realize that there isn’t ONE answer. I’m lucky. I have several paths to on which I’d like to start walking…maybe more on those another time. So it’s really just a question of which of those paths will turn out to be my yellow brick road.
Stay tuned for Part 2 as to what I’m currently doing and my intentions for 2018!
Hey, wanna see our 2017 Year in Review? A mere one second of video each day…
[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6ziHGDHRb0&width=780[/embedyt]